Our First Love

Love and confidence start from within.

Some think they gain confidence and feel love once they are in a relationship

or get the right job

or create or do something they feel is significant. 

Unfortunately, research does not show this to be true. 

We are better positioned for that relationship, that ideal job and or significant accomplishment when we FIRST have a healthy love for ourself, when we have developed the skills and a disposition needed for that good job and when we have confidence in ourselves and are realistically working toward self-improvement. 

New airplane pilots in training are not put up in the sky and then told to take over the controls so they can learn the skills they need to fly the plane. There are hours and hours of work and study that take place on the ground before the trainee ever gets in a plane.

Without that groundwork, the example I just shared, would likely end in a fiery crash.

The same happens with us as we enter relationships, new jobs or creative projects and so without the requisite preparation. 

Frequently we get stuck in a pattern of no progress in these areas, or worse yet, what we perceive to be failure in them. 

We then take another stab at them, again without the necessary preparation and planning, and guess what, we get the same result!

Always do what you’ve always done, always get what you always got.

If any of this sounds like you, as it did for me, there is good news!

That cycle can be broken. And guess who’s gonna do it. 

You got it.  It’s you! You have that capability and the power to ignite transformation in your life. That a capability and power can be greatly enhance by the 3 C’s shared by Jay Shetty.




Pilots in training have a coach in the classroom and in the air. This both prepares them and provides real-time guidance from someone who has experience and who shares in the trainee’s goal for person growth and success. 

The 2nd C is for COMMUNITY.

Pilots also have a relatively exclusive community because so few of us fly planes. Interacting with people who can strengthen and support you is crucial. Support does not just mean telling you nice fluffy things like “you can do it.”

Support is more like “If you want to do it here’s how I can help and that will involve constructive and real feedback.”

I love how Adam Grant talks about having a cheer network and a challenge network. The cheer network is the pump you up group while the challenge network is designed to give specific and sometimes hard to hear feedback. 

Having both is wonderful. But only having one or the other can present struggles for you. 

The last C is consistency and without out it, we can really get knocked off course.  

It is struggle for a variety of reasons. I will discuss 2 here.

First it is hard to be consistent when we are so accustomed to instant gratification. 

We want things right now, however, achieving goals can take time, years in some cases. Our coach and our community can be helpful to keep us focused and working toward the desired outcome.

Even with that help, consistency is totally up to us individually. 

The second struggle we can have with consistency is that when we fall short on being consistent, we can become discouraged and give up on our goal.

The truth us that failure and mistakes are a part of every growth journey.

Instead of thinking we have failed and fallen backwards, we can recognize the journey and know we are on the ever winding growth path. 

We are on an ever-winding path to growth.

Let me encourage you to use failure as a launching point and not as a roadblock. 

I started by talking about loving yourself. Loving others is not just a feeling, it takes actions to love. 

The same is true for us. We need to take actions to love ourselves.

Let me suggest that we give the 3 C’s –  coaching, community and consistency – a chance to be one of the ways we love ourselves. 

If we do, maybe we can be like trained pilots who soar through the clouds and fly high with love and confidence in and for ourselves. When we reach this height, then loving others, finding that right job or achieving some significant outcome, will be closer than ever.

And even though there may be some turbulence, for you, for me, for all of us, the blue skies await us.

I wish you and me the best on our journeys to fall in love…with ourselves. 


2 thoughts on “Our First Love

  1. Great article emphasizing the importance of self-love and personal growth before entering relationships or pursuing significant accomplishments. The 3 C’s – coaching, community, and consistency – are useful tools for achieving these goals.
    Joanne Tomlinson

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    Discover the 17 key points to finding out what your audience wants….
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